A Mask
I smile, I laugh, I joke around,
but my feelings no one has ever found.
They see me every day with a smile on my face,
but when I get back to this place
I feel as if it’s my own hell,
as if I’m locked in a cell.
The tears run down my face.
I sit in my room, quiet and wondering
if anyone sees the pain I feel
and how it’s oh so real.
Another day comes as I put on my mask and hide.
No one sees the pain I feel inside.
I laugh and I smile,
but inside I’m sad.
I wish someone could see.
I get back to this place I call hell,
where it all began and where I fell.
I take off my mask, but I’m still all alone,
and it kills me that no one will ever know.
I wish I could be the girl
that people think they really see.
By Jordyn Alberts
***
A Prayer By Me
No one knows what I feel today
Or that I’m dying inside.
No one knows the pain I’m in,
For it’s nothing a smile can’t hide.
If I could find the words to tell,
I’d get help in a second.
But there are no words to explain
My pain and my heart that it’s wreckin’.
So I beg thee, Lord God of all
Who sees the struggle I’m in,
To stay by me with your grace
And keep me from giving in.
I promise you that I’ll fight on
And that I will survive,
But every day I lose some hope
That’s been keeping me alive.
I need your help so earnestly, Lord,
And I need your love today.
But I also ask if it be your will,
Please take the pain away.
By Mary Cathleen
***
Are You There God?
Drowning in my misery
this life is hell it seems to me
and I don’t think I can fight this anymore
Tears of hate of broken hearts
scars from memories they haunt
my existence I plea
God save me
Please
Save me
I don’t wanna feel this anymore
God save me
Please
Save me
I can’t handle myself anymore
please settle my score
Fighting back the whines of sin
regret my past unthankfulness
I don’t want to do this anymore
Scabs from cuts inflicted time
watch the blood drip down my spine
I won’t handle this life anymore
God save me
Please
Save me
I don’t wanna feel this anymore
God save me
please
save me
I can’t handle myself anymore
Please settle my score
Take a knife and scratch my surface
break the skin and see the blackness
it’d be painful I if I could feel it
feeling-less numbness darkness
resides within
break the devil from my existence
God save me
please
can you hear me
God save me
please
Save me
I don’t wanna feel this anymore
God save me
Please
Save me
I can’t handle myself anymore
end this pain
By Matt Clay
***
Behind The Mask
Hiding the hurt, hiding the pain,
Hiding the tears that fall like rain.
Saying I’m fine when I’m anything but.
This ache in my soul rips at my gut.
My skin is on fire; I burn from within.
The calm on my face is an ongoing sin.
The world must stay out; I’ve built up a wall.
My fragile lie will collapse should it ever fall.
Loneliness consumes me; it eats away the years
Until my life is swallowed by unending fears.
Waiting for someone to see I wear a mask
And care enough to remove it; is that too much to ask?
By Melisa Bernards
***
Behind This Face
Behind this calm face there is a raging storm,
Like a war in my head since the day I was born.
Behind this smile there is a lonely sad frown,
Acting oh so happy when really you are down.
Behind these blue eyes is a bright burning fire,
Flames flickering out of control, getting higher.
Behind this laugh when I’m laughing out loud,
There’s a tear like a rain drop from a dull cloud.
Behind these dry eyes is a waterfall of pain,
Trying to plug the leak, but the effort is in vain.
Behind this confident man is a shy little boy,
The youngster from school, so lonely and coy.
Between my ears is a fight inside my head,
Happy against sad or living battling dead.
Behind this big heart it is shattered like glass,
Still not healed from the bully in the class.
Behind the happiness lies sadness deep down,
Swimming against the tide trying not to drown.
By Lee W. Barker
***
Broken Home
Looking at the night sky,
She wonders why,
Why’d they take her away,
She wanted to stay.
Leaving everything she has ever known,
everything she has ever been shown.
Lets sit here and try, try not to cry,
maybe time will pass by.
Then she can go home,
she then won’t have to roam.
Looking for a place,
that she won’t have to chase.
All the broken dreams lay shattered,
tired of hearing she doesn’t matter.
There’s a place in this world,
where she can twist and twirl.
She will belong some day,
everyone who id her wrong, they will pay.
They shouldn’t have taken her,
she know this for sure.
Lets set this trap,
get rid of this crap.
She will get revenge,
when they see me they will all cringe.
Everything has to do with being adopted,
her house is filled with lies.
As the days go by,
she’s always getting high
Hoping it will get rid of the pain,
so she can dance in the rain.
She doesn’t know what to do,
always lost and so confused.
She feels so used and abused,
wants to get lost in this world.
One, she is just one girl,
sick of all the stuff,
she’s had enough!
Going to run away,
not going to stay!
After everything she’s been through,
she still doesn’t know who?
Who she is inside.
Sick of running to hide,
when she dies,
there will be no more lies.
Dying a happy girl,
her life going to unfurl.
All the shatter times,
all the hating rhymes.
They will not be gone,
so lets wait tell dawn.
By Lacey Grogg
***
Changed Because Of Depression
Where is that cheerful girl I used to know?
I look in the mirror and it’s like I don’t even recognize myself.
I look so down and tired, I don’t see that girl who was so happy so long ago.
What happened to the days I would smile?
Where are the days that my heart wouldn’t break?
Where have I gone?
I see that girl when I look in the mirror, but she’s too far gone.
I can’t bring her back to life, she’s feeling too much strife.
I feel her inside me, but my depression won’t let her come out.
I think the old me is gone without doubt.
By Debbie Brown
***
Cries
I feel the tears fall as I lay here and cry.
Nobody knows that all my happiness is a lie.
You see, I can’t really smile; I haven’t in a while.
It seems like my new style.
Inside I cry; everything I say is a lie.
I feel like I’m going to die, but I really don’t know why.
One minute I’m smiling and the next I’m frowning.
I honestly feel like I’m slowly drowning.
For I will shed more tears; I’ll feel this way for several years.
When I was younger this was one of my biggest fears.
Why didn’t anyone tell me life would turn out this way?
I’m crying at night and pretending to be happy by day.
I’m always really sad.
I just pretend that it’s not that bad.
Stop listening to my lies.
They just hide my cries.
By Emily Harstine
***
Curl Up And Die
my pain runs so deep I feel like it is inside of me
running through my veins
carving me up as it goes
I don’t want to feel like this
but does anybody care?
I doubt it
I’m a liability
that’s all
nobody cares
they’ve just had enough of me
so I curl up inside my house
and have people say
come out you’re boring
come see the world
but I don’t want to!
I’m scared.
of what? I don’t know
everything!
I look at the pills
and contemplate doing it
but I’m too scared
so I just curl up and cry wishing I had the bravery to die.
By Terri
***
Dancing In The Rain
You’ve had those feelings… you wish your life was done.
You’re broken, defeated, and overcome.
Each day more challenging than the last.
Moments of weakness…emotions consistently masked.
There is sadness built up, stirring within,
Reflecting on where your life has been.
You feel alone… all you feel is pain.
Each moment a struggle masked by crying in the rain.
The storms of life will thunder, shoot lightning ‘cross your face.
But get up, chin up, and win YOUR race.
You can take charge…refuse to feel defeat.
Just get up, walk out… first step’s to move your feet.
Get out of the trench that you’ve dug for yourself.
Change what you are to improve your mental health.
There’s no shame in admitting that life is harder than you can bear.
That’s what friends are for…to show comfort and to care.
Don’t take the world on all alone; the challenges are real.
Be willing to accept the help you need, friendship, and you’ll heal.
Days will get easier; life will cease to be a strain…
Before you know it, you’ll be DANCING in the rain.
By Juli Nielsen
***
Darkness
No words for a state that I cannot express
Like gravity just holds me here in this mess
An invisible force stealing my air
A looming dark cloud and no one’s aware
The strength of a lion becomes a small mouse
The whole of my world consists of my house
Feigning my comfort, I internally cry
Rationalize the how and the why
By Erin L. Kampen
Darkness
It’s like a plague that never goes away,
Or an animal and its prey.
It waits…
And waits…
And waits…until you’re ready.
Then closes in and devours you…
From the inside out.
ALL you see is shadows of the ones you once knew.
No more happiness,
No more laughter,
No more love.
It’s like a thunderstorm that blocks your soul.
Your soul becomes a black hole.
Whatever said, heard, or learned
Is forgotten, never brought up again,
No longer does anything matter.
It’s all darkness,
Like a plague that never goes away.
By Cassie
***
Dead Inside
She may seem alive
But she’s dead inside.
How can one live
When the important things died?
You can’t just take it away
If you never even know
The dark things tearing out her soul
That she’ll never choose to show.
She’s dead and alive,
And it’s no way to live,
So the numbness envelopes.
She has nothing to give.
She’s pretending to be all that is real.
Pretending to hurt when she can’t even feel.
Pretending to look when she can’t even see.
Pretending to love when she can’t even be.
By Kerri L. Copeland
***
Deep Inside
When I smile deep inside I want to frown
when I laugh deep inside I want to cry
when you look into my eyes
You think every thing is alright
But deep inside
I want to die
maybe one day
I won’t feel like this
till then I’ll be happy in the outside
and crying in the inside
By Amanda
***
Demons Inside
It’s hard to explain those
demons inside,
the daily struggle,
the daily ride.
When will they go?
When will they end
these terrible thoughts
that they send?
They make me
hate myself.
They fill my head
with torture and doubt.
I’m tired of crying,
I’m tired of trying,
I wish I could believe
those demons were lying.
It’s a constant battle
between them and me.
I just want to end it all
and be free.
By Aimee Jones
***
Demons Of Darkness
She stood on the bridge
In silence and fear,
For the demons of darkness
Had driven her here.
They cut her heart
Right out of her chest,
Making her believe
That the demons knew best.
They were always there,
Sometimes just out of sight,
Waiting in the background
Till the time was right.
These demons were destructive,
Knocking down the life she knew,
Hating everything about her;
She hated herself, too.
These demons can’t be seen,
But they’re far from fairy tales.
They live inside your mind;
Their evilness prevails.
So on the bridge she stood,
About to end the fight.
Then she stopped and thought
I’ll fight them one more night.
By Olivia B
***
Depression Blues
My head is not right today.
I have no idea why it’s this way.
It switches from one thought to another.
I feel like I am being smothered.
I can’t finish just one thought.
In a group is where they are brought.
I’m under so much stress.
There are things I should confess.
Some people say I am so strong,
But in reality, they couldn’t be more wrong.
The outer part of me puts on that smile
While the inner me has been dying for a while.
I hate this part of my disease.
It literally brings me to my knees.
From a great mood to nasty as hell.
Which it’s gonna be, I can never tell.
Most of the days I can push through.
Today I don’t know what to do.
It comes with no known trigger.
It’s not going away; it’s only getting bigger.
Bigger, louder, and extremely strong.
I wish I knew what was wrong.
I want to cry, but I don’t know what for.
I hate this disease; I don’t want it anymore.
I get these terrible pains in my chest.
Feels like the Lord is gonna lay me to my final rest.
Will these feelings only last for today?
‘Cause it feels like they will never go away.
In reality it will not.
A life sentence is what I got.
The meds that make me manage
Are the same meds that cause me damage.
I could be flying high in the fluffiest cloud.
Then, bam, I crash onto the ground.
I wonder if people truely understand
What really goes on in my land.
How could they when even I don’t?
How could they when they simply won’t?
This not only takes a toll on me,
But it affects my friends and family,
Especially those days I cannot hide
The deep dark depression I feel inside.
Some days I’m just not strong enough.
Some days are just too tough.
But most of the days I seem to manage
To get through them without serious damage.
Well at least to others
Is what I mutter
Things aren’t usually this bad,
But you won’t know which I have had
‘Cause that is what we do.
We pretty it up for you.
I can’t keep that clear though in my head.
I’m done with this crap; I am going to bed
By Tina M. Casalvera
***
Depressions Wing
Here I sit with tortured thoughts; I’ve come to suspect that all is lost.
Alas I’ve seen depression’s wing landing on my shoulder.
I blankly stare into my life, a pessimist at heart, can’t seem to get life right. I’ve lost the way, can’t seem to climb out of the hole being dug throughout my time.
Left behind that’s how I feel, catching up seems to be a big deal.
Alas I’ve seen depression’s wing landing on my shoulder.
Deep prayers go unanswered, as far as I can tell, I’m convinced I’m all alone and scared as hell, I wonder how much more I can bear.
My wife, she flows like the breeze, the best thing in my life and I want to please,
but all I feel is depression’s wing landing on my shoulder.
So much pain, creativity lost, I want this feeling to go away at any cost, I want to feel depression’s wing flying from my shoulder.
By Maurice Windley
***
Do You Know
Do you know a life of loneliness and one filled with pain,
living a life with nothing to gain,
Surrounded by darkness, overwhelmed with shame.
A life without peace with no one to blame.
Do you know of a place unseen,
A place that holds only shattered dreams,
A place filled with sorrow with no end in sight,
I am given this gift each and every night.
Do you know of a place so cold,
This is the place I call my soul,
A place without hope or comforting dreams,
A life not worth living wouldn’t it seem.
Do you know of a life that should have never been,
And the feeling that today this life has to end.
One more day of sadness is much too hard to bear,
I am tired of living a life of heartache and despair.
Do you know a person with so much pain inside,
Or the feeling of loneliness when no one hears your cries,
Maybe when the tears are gone and I can clearly see,
The only question left will be…
DO YOU KNOW ME
By Michelle Boyd
***
Down But Not Out
Depression is real
It zaps your zeal
Weakens the bones
Confuses the tones
Leaves you in dismay
Tries to take the day
Controls the throttle
Wants you in a bottle
It is a bad place to be
Where it’s hard to see
There is help for this
When nothing seems bliss
Talk to a friend
Do not pretend
Rest in the Lord
Read His Word
Start confessing
All the blessings
Joy is near
Do not fear
By Edward J. Dunn
***
Eternally Alone
where can I go?
how can I begin.
At 20 I’m still depressed
I tried taking my life at ten
I began hurting so long ago
I thought id be numb by now
but it gets worse. it feels
like salted wounds on the inside.
I cry out to no help!
my family isn’t there for me and
neither are any friends. I cry out
Oh God yet the silence never ends.
why? what have I done?
Oh Lord I take it back starting from day one.
why can’t I be loved, why cant I be touched.
am I jinxed? am I vexed? am I cursed?
I long to die, but they say its wrong
ill go to hell!! so I bleed. I bleed hate, I bleed confusion
I bleed eternal despair.
I have been abandoned and used.
I have been hated and abused.
No father, no friends. no one to depend.
hated my childhood cause I was always alone.
I was shown little affection even now that I’m grown.
I want things to change I don’t know how,
ill die if something doesn’t happen now.
where is my hero?
I need saving from this isolation
will it happen or will I be eternally alone?
By Joshua Lawson
***
Feel Again
Much time I now spend, watching
Watching as others pass by, living
Living their lives
I watch not for care of wanting to know them
Or even so as to learn from what they do and say
I simply watch…and wonder
Wondering why. Why do I feel this way?
Wondering how. How have I come to this point?
Wondering when. When can I ever hope to feel again?
As I watch, I remember
Remember what it was like…
To feel as they feel
To laugh as they laugh
To cry as they cry
To hope as they hope
To hurt as they hurt
To love, to hate, to long, to fear, to yearn…to rejoice…to live
But such is all that I have…memories
Memories which flow before my mind’s eye
Even as the people flow before my gaze
And I, I sit quietly in the shadow…
And wonder
By Jeff Bresee
***
Feeling Blue
I suppose it’s hard for some to understand.
This is not the way that I had planned.
I don’t know how I’ve let myself get this way,
And sometimes feel like calling it a day.
But then I think of those who are close to my heart.
Ending it all would probably tear them apart,
So while I’m thinking of my dread,
I’ll try and sort out this mess in my head.
Then if I find I still can’t cope,
There’s nothing more I can do than pray and hope
That everything will turn out right for me,
And someday I’ll be as happy as I can possibly be.
By Kt
***
Finding Joy
Have you seen Joy? I have not seen her in so, so long,
I miss her, oh how I miss her and her heartwarming song.
I keep searching and searching and asking why
she went away without saying goodbye.
Many years have gone by. but I envision her clearly.
I love her! “Joy, I love you so dearly.”
I have searched all over, I searched my soul.
If you don’t return, you’ll never know,
How I loved the time we spent with one another.
I showed you off to my mother, my brother.
You were there when I married my wife,
I thought you would be with me for the rest of my life.
Joy, can you imagine a clear dark night without any stars?
This time without you leaves unwanted scars.
I’m hurting inside and losing control.
I’m trying to hide it but it’s taking a toll.
I’m saddened to the point of anger
that you betrayed me. Do you feel my pain? Do you feel any shame?
I wish you could feel the loss I’ve been delt!
That’s when I realized that you have no feelings, but rather are a feeling to be felt!
Because I am losing hope that we will be reunited,
I have to make a choice but remain undecided.
Whether to succumb to this awful feeling of sadness,
or continue on faith, it seems like madness.
In the end I am not afraid, I’ll continue, I must!
Because I also love others, I’ve gained their trust.
And though you left for whatever reason,
the others I love with help bring you back this next season.
To have taken you for granted was my biggest mistake.
Please forgive me, forgive me please for heaven’s sake.
When you return to my arms, whenever this may be,
I’ll never let you go or get away from me.
As for those who took your place when you are gone,
they are not invited; they use me like a pawn.
Making me feel so worthless on this Earth,
I long for your return, to signify my rebirth.
By Trent D. Et
***
From Oppression Comes Light
Depression is oppression.
It’s a deadly hidden message
Defined by self-hate.
It seals its prisoner’s fate.
It holds you captive and throws out the key.
It stabs and jabs just to see you bleed,
Inflicting wounds that scar for life.
Destruction is its mother and death its wife.
You can cry, but it will always ignore your screams.
It terrorizes your soul and haunts your dreams.
It sends you false hope through a bottle or pill.
It destroys your goals and inflicts its will.
You can’t run, nor can you hide.
By its rules you will abide
Until it celebrates that you have died.
Open your eyes, or you will be its prey.
It will blur your vision in the most twisted way.
It will seek your destruction and call for your head.
You will lie and wait but never rest in your bed.
Peace will come to those who want peace,
But as long as you feed him, you will see the beast.
You can’t run, nor can you hide,
But if you conquer the beast, you will survive.
Prayer and hope can lead the way.
Cling on to every word you pray.
Hope is in truth.
Hate is in lies.
Pray for your soul and open your eyes.
By Erik Whitehead
***
Glance
Glance, but don’t stare.
You’re not supposed to see the scars that I bear.
Don’t listen, just speak.
You do not want the answers that you seek.
You smile, I smile back.
Look at the mask, don’t notice the crack.
There’s a monster in there I’m trying to hide,
But she’s nibbling at the ropes in which she’s tied.
She roars at me, forcing tears out my eyes
Then smiles triumphantly, like she’s won a prize.
“Why are you crying?” “I’m fine,” I say.
It’s not like you would understand anyway.
Don’t talk about me, let’s talk about you!
Underneath your mask, is there a monster too?
Does it rip your heart out and wave it in your face?
Find sticks and thorns to put in its place?
No? I’m sorry. I guess we don’t relate.
I’ll shut up now and pretend all is great.
Glance, but don’t stare.
There’s a monster under the mask…enter if you dare.
By Ashley Reyes
***
Gone
I am gone.
I’m so far gone you wouldn’t even know.
So far gone I won’t even show.
I’m so far gone and there’s no way out.
So far gone I just want to shout.
I’m so far gone you could never hear me scream.
So far gone you wouldn’t hear a thing.
I’m too far gone I try and let you see.
So far gone you wouldn’t notice me.
I’m so far gone drowning in quick sand.
So far gone there is no helping hand.
I’m too far gone you can’t help me.
So far gone I tried, begged on one knee.
I wish you could understand how much pain one could withstand.
I try to be brave, yet I have drowned,
I’m in so deep, too deep for you to notice,
to deep for you to care. I’m gone now; nothing’s left.
I should only hope you learn
it was never your fault.
The depression cut me
too deep for you see, too deep for you to feel.
The pain is bigger than me.
I tried to fight.
I’m just gone now.
I’m sorry.
By Alana
***
Hollow
Emotions.
Do you feel them?
She was numb and frozen,
Yet it dimly sparkled like a dying gem.
Broken.
Do you know what that feels like?
Piercing explosions,
Burning afflictions,
Hollers of agonizing cries.
She had nothing left inside.
Eyes closed,
Heartbeat stopped,
Barely alive.
She was a hollow shell.
Into an endless oblivion she fell,
Pitch black and nearly brain dead.
There was nothing in her life ahead.
Passion.
Why is it so strong?
She was deprived from it.
Devils had done her heart way too many wrongs.
Killed was the lust,
Lost was the temptation.
Love.
Why is it so painful?
Once crystal clear and beautiful,
Now a turned poison from what was as pure as golden dust.
She wanted nothing to do with it.
Not long ago it had made her bleed.
Hidden thorns
On her skin that burned.
She was a hollow shell.
Into an endless oblivion she fell.
Pitch black and nearly brain dead.
There was nothing in her life ahead.
Eyes opened,
Tears flowed,
Standing in front of a mirror,
Watching as she wholly became hollow.
By Fathimath L. Ahmed
***
Hope For A Rainy Day
I am suspended above the sky,
Longing to feel the earth beneath my feet.
I clasp your hand – to hold on tight.
Don’t let me go, don’t let me sleep.
The moon is a jealous lover.
She will not leave; she has no other.
The sun is my friend, my comfort-giver.
I know you’re there, just a sliver.
By Daniella C. Nowicki
***
Hurting Hearts
No one knows how the heart truly feels inside
Sometimes in pain and agony
it suffers
and makes love have no where to reside
You can see the facial expressions and think everything is going fine
But you can’t see the dreadful pain of the heart that’s so hard to define
So very often we smile, laugh, and talk to people each and everyday
Still from that moment to the next, no one ever knows the obstacles you challenge along the way!
As for the “HURTING HEARTS” and the “DEPRESSED”
souls, my tears go out to you today!
To the mothers, fathers, and others of those hurting hearts…I offer a “PRAYER”!!!
By Cynthia Dassie Chester
***
I Do Feel Everything
I feel like there is nowhere to go.
I feel like I can’t get out.
I feel like there is no one I can show.
I feel like I can’t shout.
I feel like just giving up.
I feel like I am worthless.
I feel like I am never enough.
I feel like I don’t have a purpose.
I feel like I am locked in a box.
I feel like there is no key.
I feel like I am always in shock.
I feel like no one can hear my plea.
By Jillian J.
***
I Hide
Due to my twisted sense of pride
Having no one in which to confide
Taught to never show the tears I’ve cried
Many times wishing I had died
No one knows just how hard I’ve tried
To not show what’s truly inside
So I hide
I hide behind a mask and a smile
Faking it all the while
Never showing the true trial
Constantly in a state of denial
Feelings of worthlessness, nothing worthwhile
When did things become so hostile
So I hide
I hide behind a guise and grin
Rarely acting on a whim
Afraid of what could’ve been
Letting too much get under my skin
Patience continuously worn thin
Keeping everything within
So I hide
By Nikki A. Bruley
***
It’s The True Me All Along
Tears fell from the sky, hate steamed down my cheek, anger, pain, kept inside.
No one to cry, but me.
Heaven above, hell below.
I looked in the mirror ugly showed.
Living in hell.
Wished I was gone flashed before your eyes,
but why did I say that when you don’t even know I existed.
Left alone tears, anger, hate, what else?
Living in a nightmare.
Can’t end this sleep.
The past will always remain in mind.
Living in the shadows, the glass has shattered.
If everyone felt pain and sadness like I do, that would resemble a scar.
Then who knew.
My heart was stolen from me from all the hatred that I had and have.
Starred, secrets, lies spread.
Nothing to see since I’m blind.
Nothing to feel inside since my heart was stolen from me.
If you listen closely and hear that drip-drop moan for love, who will that be.
If you can hear my voice speak up please.
Because living in the shadows is hell.
Now I know where I stand.
Starring back at the ground.
Seeing my reflection from my puddle of broken dreams.
That I’ve come to figure out there was a seed.
Ready to turn into a beautiful flower soon but, all it needs is love.
And when that seed is ready to get out of the shadows and into some light. You will see what you haven’t been seeing It’s the true me all along.
By Alyssia Elbaor
***
Living A Lie
Walking into a typhoon,
Swimming against the tide,
That’s just how it feels,
When my truth I have to hide.
Pretending you’re really happy,
When inside you want to cry.
Feeling unbelievably low,
But your exterior shows you’re high.
Forgetting how to feel happy,
‘Cause your default is set to sad.
Forgetting all the good times,
Just remembering the bad.
Not wanting to leave the house
Or talk to anyone today.
Walking with my head down,
In my bed I want to stay.
Not seeing a light at the end,
Just stormy skies up ahead.
I can’t see a way out of this.
Maybe I’d be better off dead?!
A feeling of guilt arises,
For two lives depend on me.
My special boys I love so much,
If only they could see…
These dark thoughts I have inside,
The bad things I want to do,
The hurt I cause to myself,
These scares upset me too.
The one wish that I have
Is my kids never feel this pain
Or the feeling of self-hatred
Under dark clouds filled with rain.
As I look into the future,
The old me will resurrect one day.
I’ll then smile a real smile and say,
“I really do feel good today.”
By Lee W. Barker
***
Lost In Pain
Anger. Pain.
It’s getting harder to hide
All the feelings I’ve built up inside.
It’s hard to explain
Without being considered insane,
So I’ve kept to myself
Until I realized I need help.
Even the weekends seem to be a chore.
Putting a smile on my face as I walk out the door.
Wanting to run away,
But where can I go?
Around people or not, I still feel alone.
I cry all the time now.
I used to think I was strong.
Now it’s a struggle just to hold on.
To make it through the day
Without an odd look my way
Or someone asking me if I’m okay.
But maybe it will do me good
To let someone help if they could.
Just one hug is all I need.
Just one person that cares is all I plead.
And then I might get through another day
Of waiting for my anger and pain to fade away.
By Steff
***
Me
Can’t you see
The pain in my eyes?
But this is me
And my life.
If you hold me close
You can hear my heart
It cries more than most
From being torn apart.
After every breath I take,
After every fight I witness,
I ask “why must I awake?”
Will I ever conquer forgiveness?
Can you ever truly
Forgive without forgetting?
I am lonely.
My life I am abandoning.
From pain I am running.
Even though these tears are streaming
I will never look back.
All in all,
I have one question to ask.
Would you still catch me if I fall?
Maybe one day you will see.
This is how I live,
And this is me.
By Sabrina
***
My Daughter’s Tears
Until it affects someone we love,
We don’t even know it’s there.
It’s really not our problem,
So why should we care.
The statistics are quite shocking,
One in four they say
Will suffer from depression
In their lives one day.
There’s not much stigma anymore
For this serious mental flaw.
But no one knows where it will strike,
It’s just the luck of the draw.
No one would choose to live with it,
And some don’t even try.
I see my daughter suffering
And all she can do is cry.
Most people turn the other cheek,
They’ve been doing it for years.
But I must face the pain I see,
In my daughter’s tears.
By Annabel Sheila
***
My Death
A silenty shadow
stalking me in the night.
The doors are open
but I cannot see the light.
The gray mist
into the abyss I fall.
And I do not know
what my life was at all.
I cannot see
the path before me.
As his cloaked hands
bring me to one knee.
And what I see
is not heaven at all.
But a hell much more worse
than nothing at all.
By Adam
***
Prisoner Of My Thoughts
Why do I feel like no one understands?
Is this supposed to be God’s master plan?
Am I supposed to feel so alone?
Feeling like this should not be condoned.
Melancholy has found a permanent home in me.
How do I remove it? Do I just let it be?
I am incarcerated by my own brain.
In my world it forever rains.
There’s no escaping the darkness and gloom.
There’s nowhere to run or hide, I’m doomed!
I see the happiness looming, but it is always short lived.
What more does life want from me? I’ve given all I can give.
No one told me it would be this hard just to live.
By Grace P.
***
Remember Our Daughters
I have often been thin. Not skinny or scat
I’m not overly large… I hate the word fat.
I’m 50 years young, full of vim and vigour,
And this menopause, it’s taking some figure.
Low self esteem invites depression, it seems,
Which differs from depression that brings low self esteem.
The two of them together is quite the mix
And is causing me problems I’m trying to fix.
When depression sneaks up there’s no time to prepare.
You just hit a trigger and then there’s despair.
One more rabbit hole that you’ve just tumbled down.
It’s dark and it’s deep and it’s way underground.
And when you remember you’ve left people behind,
There’s no light in the tunnel; you can’t see, you’re blind.
You can’t tell where you’ve fallen, how far or how fast,
But I’m holding a rope; it’s attached to your past.
Your past and my future inexplicably bound
Held onto the earth by the love that we found.
The pain and the suffering that you’re going through.
The hell and the torment that we’ve got to do.
Feelings you can’t feel but I know they’re there,
And when you get better I know we can share.
Know when I saw you it was love at first sight,
And it’s grown a little every day and every night.
A morning routine of walking and training
Can make so much difference, but not when it’s raining.
It rains in my heart like it does on the roof
And now you’re not eating; you know that’s the truth.
We’ll go to the gym, we’ll eat, we’ll get well,
And then comes a trigger and you’re back in hell.
You look for an exit or someplace to hide,
But I know you’re lucky cause you’ve got a guide.
Someone who’s been in the depths of despair,
Who knows the way in and can pull up a chair
Someone who’s able to lead you to shore,
Returning the favour of more years and more.
I know that we’ll beat this, when it’s all said.
We know it’s important to get out of bed
But after you’re up, well…let’s check out the dial.
Let’s keep our pjs on until there’s a smile.
There are lotions and potions and things you can do.
There are old wives tales and mindfulness too.
There are many things working for others, it seems,
But don’t let them get in the way of your dreams.
There’s a message to be told and we mustn’t balk.
Remember to chat and remember to talk.
Our daughters are going to get to this gate.
We need to prepare them and it’s getting late…
I love you
By Eric
***
Scars
Here on my arm lies a mark that I made.
When I was so low, I cut with a blade
To punish my body for being a mess,
Though here is my testament, I must confess…
That seeing these scars left on my arms, legs, and chest
Makes me realize I was in a place of no rest;
I feel guilty inside for leaving this token.
Now I will see and remember that I was so broken.
But seeing these scars helps me see
That I survived so much trauma and now I am free.
So I ask you now to stand with me and fight,
To show all these demons what they’re doing is not right.
You won the battle of good versus bad.
You are still alive and are no longer sad.
Here on my arm lies a mark of survival.
I got through my hate and beat my self-rival.
By Laura R
***
Silent Screams
Can’t you hear my silent screams?
They are so loud they echo in my dreams.
Behind this face that carries a smile
Lies a dark road that goes on mile after mile.
My silent screams have been going on for years,
But it always falls on so many deaf ears.
How can they hear these silent screams in my mind?
They can’t hear my thoughts if I keep telling them I’m fine.
What can I tell them? These silent screams carry no words.
It’s just feelings of sadness and darkness that come in its herds.
How can I explain so people understand this?
It’s like walking around in a suffocating black mist.
It’s holding on to happiness like holding water in your hands.
It just trickles between your fingers and disappears into the sands.
I can’t explain how this feels; it’s so extreme,
So I hold my mouth shut to cover my silent screams.
By Aaron
***
Sometimes
Sometimes I can’t find the words
That fill my messy head.
Can’t find the effort to smile
Or get out of my silly old bed.
The world just sometimes feels like
I don’t fit and don’t belong,
And even when I make the effort,
A smile just doesn’t last long.
I could pretend with all my might
That I am the happiest I can be.
Surrounded by the world, it seems
Lonelier I couldn’t be.
Not sure what may be the answer.
Not sure if I’m really keen
To spend another day here,
Living this dreadful dream.
But I must find some courage,
Light a fire inside my heart
And find a love for life again,
And I know where I shall start.
I’ll walk among the forest
And feel the crisp sea breeze
And lay among the meadow
And listen to all the bees.
I’ll figure out the mayhem
And gaze at all the stars
And dance at every sunset
With a smile inside my heart.
By Lucy Petersen
***
Struggling With Depression And Suicide
Days of endless struggle.
More hopeful pills today,
Trying to appear “normal”
In some sort of way.
It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me,
And I wouldn’t be here now
If guilt would leave me be.
I know there’s been many
Who’ve had it worse than I,
But that doesn’t always mean
That I wouldn’t say good-bye.
People say I have a lot going for me.
I’m sorry, but I just can’t see.
I can’t see because my worst enemy
Is not my life but inside of me.
Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency.
I’m nothing if I’m not up or down.
I’m nothing if just “me.”
Very little energy,
Wanting to stay in bed,
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I’m made of lead.
Wanting to be excited,
Wanting to care for more,
But when nothing makes sense,
It’s hard to focus on the poor.
Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking.
It’s hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.
I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can’t do anything right.
This is how I’ve felt my whole dang life;
It didn’t just start last night.
No confidence, no self-esteem.
Everybody else is right.
To speak my mind is to be a fool,
So I just try to “sit tight.”
Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice,
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.
By Debbie Lead
***
Suicidal Tendencies
I’ve lost hope lost my faith I got none left
I only hope that when tomorrow comes it’ll bring death
There’s no love in my life no love in my household
This act is starting to get real old
Man its so cold when you in bed alone
Wishing someone was laying next to you, but there is none
There’s nobody there nothing but darkness
No one to touch, hug, or kiss
If you cant look forward to tomorrow what’s the point of today
I want to leave this earth, but something making me stay
Some kind of force is keeping from leaving this earth
The angel of death has been breathing down my neck since birth
and these voices in my head are getting to loud to ignore
What did I do lord? why you gotta do this for
Why cant you jus let me be leave me in peace
All this hatred and sorrow is turning me into a beast
I hate what I’ve become, did god save me as a child?
Or was that the devil the one that answered when I dialed
For a prayer as I laid in the hospital bed
Why did I survive sometimes I wish I had died instead
Of surviving it why did I live why didn’t I pass on to the next life why
Do I go to bed every night with my pillow and cry?
The pain is getting too much to bear
I just wish someone would care
By Tommy B
***
Taking It Day By Day
Each day I live, the pain consumes
What little sanity I have bloomed,
Like walking in a cloud of fog
Falling down, sinking into smog.
Life just seems grim.
I think on a whim.
Interest lost in everything I do,
But what a life, who really knew?
Depressed to a fault, that’s all I see.
Death just seems like the only way for me.
A waste of time I feel I am,
But that’s its nature, a full mind-jam.
I try and try to ease the pain,
A fallen effort with no gain.
Thoughts begin to eat away,
Makes me want to end it today.
Uncomfortable around others for the way I feel.
I pray and wish this all wasn’t real.
Life just seems more like a prison,
Caged, alone, an abomination risen.
No one could ever understand
Why I would want my death sooner than planned.
It’s not something I want for me,
But to end my suffering this is what has to be.
So I write this all as I fall from grace.
Down to this place, some barren waste.
I know not how much longer I will last,
But all I can do is pray that this will just pass.
By Vincent Ramos
***
Teardrops
The hurt in my eyes is all that has to be said
Sometimes I know I’m better off dead
The pain is the only thing I can feel
Knowing it’s the one thing that’s real
Behind all the games and lies
An emptiness haunts my eyes
A person who I used to be
Worse even though it wasn’t me
Sorrow consuming every thought
Slowly losing everything I’ve got
Darkness closing in all around
Still I don’t make a single sound
Evil fills the void inside
This life’s not one I’ll confide
However deeper someone tries to look
Whatever happens the ground has shook
The dread and hate leaves me in a daze
All around me demons fires blaze
Living isn’t worthwhile if its torture
Yet it’s that to which I’m not sure
Don’t try to understand the words written here
For I’m not the one to fear
By Shianne
***
The Crowd
All alone I stand still watching from a distance
I scream as the people walk by but no one listens
A shadow different from the rest stares back at me
I try to grasp it but it disappears right in front of me
I’m left standing still as the day turns into night
I look at the crowd and tears begin to fill my eyes
Not one familiar face in a group of many
Not one looks up or notices me
I’m like an old statue that everyone has seen
They all walk past me like they know where I’ve been
Yet no one cares to see where I’m going
Or how I got there or am I hurting
Suddenly I realize that I’m not the unnoticed
While no one looks at me, I’m the observant
At the end, I have stood firm on the ground
While everyone is searching for the peace I have found
By Gisselle Vargas
***
The Daily Battle
It is the darkest, deepest place one can travel to alone,
A solo journey filled with struggles and groans.
Every day is a new battle against the same foe,
But the enemy fights back with psychological blows.
It creeps up on you in your most vulnerable state,
Especially when there’s no one around who can relate.
Thoughts in your mind begin to swirl and swell,
Which drag you into your own subconscious hell.
Figments and entities from your past
Serve as the pain, which you can’t outlast.
Finally sleep always comes as a welcomed friend,
But it the morning the ceaseless battle begins yet again.
By Max S.
***
The Darkness
You would never know it,
The constant pain I feel,
Because in the light of day
It almost isn’t real.
Sure, I’ll play, I’ll laugh,
I’ll sing some songs,
But that pain is always lurking
Because it’s been here all along.
And when the darkness comes
With its all-consuming power,
It slowly takes my soul
Hour by dreadful hour.
But they tell me that I’m strong enough.
They swear that it gets better.
They say, “If you can just hold out
and bear this stormy weather.”
They tell me, “You will be happy one day.
All you need do is fight.”
But what they seem to forget
Is after each day comes the night.
And so I act along.
I play my part
While this crushing darkness
Slowly breaks my heart.
By Dallas E. Krystof
***
The Darkness Of Shadows
The darkness of the shadows
Haunt
Fallow
scared of my own decisions
I cried out
but did you listen?
no
you stood there
starring
watching
observing every move
I have no one but myself
“I can do it”
I try and tell myself
but the cuts tell me different
what am I to do with all these dreams of
death
and tormenting
am I to lock it up and hide my feeling
that seems to be way
but why can’t I be saved again
am I
unsaveable
unfixable
broken with every care in my heart
do I have a heart anymore
can I show love anymore
can I smile without hiding how I really feel
it goes on and on and I have nothing
no one
By Lori Comburn
***
The Ending Start
I’ve written everything I have to say,
But the words, they rot and fall away.
So with a hole in the bottom, I’m stuck in the same boat as before
And slowly sinking just in sight of shore.
I work so hard to make my life worse
Sometimes I think I’m better off in the back of a hearse,
But I know I could never leave her behind.
She’s the one I’ve been searching for all this time.
And though she confesses to me all of her love,
Selfishly I feel that it is not enough.
I know it in my heart, oh I swear,
There is someone so much better for her out there.
I dream about her all day long,
Yet when we’re together, it all feels wrong.
Something isn’t right, and I know it’s me
Because you’re a beautiful, perfect being.
I can never just be what and who I am.
So much discontent I don’t think anyone understands,
I put my feelings into words that rhyme
To give everyone who cares a glimpse of what’s inside.
Why must it be that I’m never satisfied.
I have all I could want; still I lie awake at night
And wish for more.
So much discontent.
It’s the end that I wish was near.
Just the letdown that I fear.
By Ethan Wulf
The Feeling Of Emptiness
I look into a broken mirror,
I seek to see why I am still living.
when I look around all I can see
is darkness and pain…
My chest is tight, I can hardly breath.
I feel empty and broken,
I feel like a monster is trying to escape.
I don’t know which way to go…
I am crying but only dry tears,
dust on my face and sores on my mind,
I do not speak nor do I try,
I have a million times.
When I speak, silence over takes.
I can scream, and still no one will hear.
I am invisible, no one can see,
I have pain inside, please let me free.
Before I save myself,
and death is my way,
not long from today,
I am seeking my way…
By Janieta Lister
The Light
Through darkness and despair,
I can count on you.
Deep in the pits of hell
I can see you,
Beckoning,
Guiding,
Showing me the way.
You grab me by the hand
And take me away
From this darkness.
I was lost in the fog,
But you were there to guide me.
When I put up the wall,
The indestructible wall,
The ghoulish wall meant to isolate me.
You broke it down.
You freed me from its grasp.
When I saw only darkness in myself,
You saw the light.
I opened up to you,
And you let me in.
Most push me away again,
Destroying any chance of trust
To live inside the shell that is me.
This is why
You are my light.
By Jacob Kahn
***
The Masks I Wear
“You’re always smiling.”
“You’re always laughing.”
“How can you be happy all the time?”
All of these questions get asked of me on a daily basis.
No, I’m not always smiling.
No, I’m not always laughing.
No, I’m not always happy.
Sometimes I’m not even happy at all.
If you see me smile, it’s because I feel sad.
If you see me laugh, it’s because I feel lonely.
If you see me happy, it’s because I’m breaking.
All you really see are the fake smiles.
All you really see are the fake laughs.
All you really see are the masks I wear.
By Evelyn Barrera
***
The Monster
There’s a monster inside of me, eating away at my smile,
He takes all my sadness and makes a file.
These files are all stacked up in my brain.
Now my whole life just consists of pain.
It’s such a problem that I can’t sleep.
Nothing works…not even counting sheep.
When I’m in public I hide my tears.
It’s been this way for several years.
I hide my sadness behind a fake smile,
But the pain won’t go away…not for a while.
The hardest part is hiding when I cry.
It makes me feel like I’m going to die.
I feel like I’m slowly going insane,
But I am not the one to blame…
Blame the monster.
He goes by the name…Depression.
By Emily Harstine
***
The Sickness
By Desiree Cantu
The sickness is back,
I think I need some help.
It just won’t go away,
I feel like I’m by myself.
It all started years ago,
the feeling just won’t fade.
I feel it is all my fault,
a monster is what I have made.
Depression ruins your life,
it sucks the life from you.
It will haunt you forever,
no matter what you do.
I feel I have no one,
I don’t know what to believe.
It feels like this is the end,
I feel this disease will never leave.
***
The War Within You
Confusion sets in.
My mind is a blur.
Overthinking too much,
So hard to endure.
My thoughts go dark.
Personality turns black.
I’m unleashing a beast
I can no longer hold back.
I unleashed a beast within,
Stalking my prey.
As time went on,
My dark personality turned gray.
I conquered my aggression
And cast it aside.
Realized it’s depression
That’s been lurking inside.
The most powerful battle
That one can endure
Is the one with yourself,
Of that I’m so sure.
By Ryann A. Cave
***
Tidal Wave
In our darkest nights and our brightest days,
emotions fill us like tidal waves.
They can drag us down and pull us in,
trying to drown us from within.
They can raise us up or let us down,
but if you don’t know how to swim, you’ll simply drown.
There are storms across my seven seas,
lightning strikes, sharks circling me.
My legs are tired, my chest is tight.
I’m not sure how much longer I can fight.
I gasp for air, I scream and shout,
But these tidal waves try to drown me out.
By Brian L. Barrett
***
Together
So–this is where we are.
After coming so far,
This is what it’s come to.
After all we’ve been through,
We’re still where we started:
Bruised and broken-hearted.
You’d think after fighting this long
We’d become safe and strong.
But as we battle close to death,
We’re still lost and find no rest.
As we wander ’round, asking why,
There’s no tears when we cry.
We’re lost with only each other,
Feeling as a child without its mother.
As darkness nears closer and closer,
We fear our lives may be over.
But I caught, in the distance,
A shimmer of light, so persistent.
I grab your hand, holding tight,
As I try to lead you toward the light.
But now you’ve grown so heavy.
I fear you’re dead already.
I can’t leave you here all alone.
I have to take you back home.
So won’t you please come with me
And believe that I can see
The way out, the way home?
There’ll be no more wandering all alone.
So please, rise and stand.
Follow me and hold my hand,
Because together we can win.
We can find the light within.
By Hannah L
***
Tomorrow
If another day
Ends without me
And I am not present with you
When the sun will come up
And you will stream tears of blue
I would plead as much
For you to not weep
Think of the happier things
So that you may be in a peaceful sleep
I understand how much you love me
As much as I do you
And with time and time you dream of me
While crying tears of blue
But as I run to escape
A tear from me, a sorrow
For my whole life was a beautiful song
But I will not be here tomorrow
Yet so much to live for
So much you can do
Nothing is impossible
Because I will always love you
Thinking of all the yesterdays
The has-been, the days
When we had the bad and good ones
And we were happy anyways
If I were allowed to relive a time
Just even for a moment
I’d walk right past the place we met
So that I would have never crossed your mind
Now, I can fully see
Now I can realize
That this can never be
For all of the tears in your eyes
And amongst all of the worthy people
Worthy of your presence
I know now what my job is
And that’s to not be with you forever
But I will enter another life
Maybe one with a little light
Hopefully one that will make me smile
Thinking of you every night
And I will profess, “This is truly a great place.”
When I enter the light
Comes into my heart
And appear a smile upon my face
I cannot promise another day
Despite all of the sorrows
I apologize for the tears
And not being there another tomorrow
You, such a faithful soul
So lovely and sweet
I know now what you have
And it is me you no longer need
I will be forgiven
Sometime in the future
But I am just glad to proudly say
At least I knew you
If another day
Ends without me
And I am not present with you
When the sun will come up just remember
That I will always love you
By Chloe Aldecoa
***
Wake Up, Repeat
She looks in the mirror, and what does she see?
Something frail, broken, and unfree.
She sees the pain swollen in her eyes.
She sees the cuts she marked on her thighs.
She looks at herself with an empty stare
With her crooked smile and her messy hair.
Her mind is spoiled with terrible thoughts.
The anxiety she suffers puts her stomach in knots.
Her eyes are stained from countless tears.
Her thoughts corrupted with constant fears.
She grabs the bottle to numb her pain.
She feels as if she’ll never break the chain.
After she cries herself to sleep
And there’s no more tears left to weep,
She’ll wake up, put on that mask and smile.
She’ll walk like it’s nothing because that’s just her style.
People will walk past her and she’ll wave with pride,
But nobody knows she’s actually dying inside.
She’ll go home, and she’ll close her door.
The mask comes off as she lays on the floor.
Again she wipes her tears with her stained bed sheets.
She cries for the night, wakes up, repeat.
By Jamie L. Firestine
***
Waves
I was just sitting there,
Watching TV,
When a wave of sadness
Washed over me.
There was no warning;
It just showed up.
I tried to swim through it
But had no luck.
My heart was heavy,
And I started to cry.
I just couldn’t stop,
And I didn’t know why.
I finally gave up fighting
And went with the flow,
Praying the sadness
Would soon go.
I walked down the aisle
Of the grocery store
When another wave of sadness
Pulled me from the shore.
I couldn’t stay there,
Not one second more,
So I just left my cart
And headed to the door.
I sat in my car
And started to cry.
I just couldn’t stop,
And I didn’t know why.
What’s wrong with me?
I need to know.
My soul is drowning
With each ebb and flow.
I never know when
The next wave will arrive.
It makes me question
Why I’m still alive.
Is there someone out there
Who can help build me a boat?
So when the next wave comes
I can stay afloat.
Or will I eventually drown
And never awake,
Enveloped by the next wave
Of endless heartache?
By Zorian Alexis
***
When You Feel Like You Can’t Go On
When you feel so lonely and can’t sleep at night,
because everything gives you a fright.
The pain and the sadness takes control,
and once again you’re all alone.
The pain I feel is torturing.
My life isn’t really worth living.
You keep living every day, hoping it might end someway.
You go to sleep and pray to God,
but it doesn’t work… you’re too stuck!
All the tears cooped up inside,
from all the lies that bleed you dry.
Just one tear shows a million emotions.
It’s all mixed and with terror and devotion!
I devote myself to acting happy,
but at night when I’m all alone,
somehow it all spills out
when no one can see and no one can hear
all of the pain and all of the fear.
You go to sleep hoping you won’t wake up,
but when morning comes you have to keep going.
It isn’t easy and you can’t say it is,
until you know just how it feels.
My soul is dying.
Why do I keep trying?
Nothing seems worth it anymore!
I just want to be alone…
This is from the heart of all my feelings and emotions,
something I can’t speak, but one day it’ll all be over.
And I will be that happy person I know I want to be.
But just acting happy is too hard for me!
By Aliysha
***
When You Look At Me
When you look at me,
What do you see?
I bet if you look deep enough
You would see right through me.
If you look deep in my eyes,
You would forget all my lies.
You would tell that I’m hurt.
All you have to do is be more alert.
Do you know what it’s like
To cry silently every night?
What y’all really see
Is not the real me.
I’m broken inside,
Even if you don’t see it,
So look at me again.
What do you see?
By Mary
***
Who Could Ever Love Me?
When I look at myself, I see nothing good.
I see all the flaws that no one else should.
I wear a mask
To hide the pain
That always resides on my face.
They tell me I’m beautiful,
But how would they know
The secrets I have yet to tell?
The guilt that eats me up inside
About the things I’ve done
Each and every night.
They don’t see the things that I hide
Behind the walls inside my mind.
They don’t see the flaws on my skin.
For if they did, they would think I’m a sin.
So, I tell myself, who will ever love me
When no one ever hears my pleas?
Who could understand my broken thoughts,
The hate in my gut that’s like a knot?
Maybe one day my thoughts will change,
But for now, they still seem to reign.
But I will keep fighting each night,
Because if I don’t, then how else can I find the light?
By Miriam Narat
***
Worth
It’s hard sometimes to say exactly what I’m worth.
Sometimes even harder dealing with the hurt.
To feel like no one’s there during all my pain.
I have nothing left to lose and nothing left to gain.
I struggle through the days, with no one at my side,
To find some sort of worth, to save a little pride.
But all my days are dark, stormy, cold and gray,
And emptiness keeps growing as I slowly fade away.
I have no effort left to put into this life,
No helping hand behind me to pull me to the light.
So once again I ask, before I leave this Earth,
Tell me, if you care, exactly what I’m worth.
By Joel
***
You Are My Victim
He traps me like a prisoner.
Never lets me see the light.
Never lets me go.
He keeps me up at night.
Numbness runs through my veins when he’s around.
He’s got me locked in chains and I can’t break free.
He’s got his control pushed into my mind.
He is so close to just killing me.
He beats me constantly and drives everyone away.
He locks me away in my cell, whom size is so small.
I can’t barely move or breathe.
The chains bury deep in my body, and he doesn’t care at all.
Yes he’s like a needle constantly poking into my flesh.
I barely get fed and no-one comes to see me.
My heart is constantly sore and my eyes always so red.
Everyday I try and escape, I search around for a key.
My attempts are worthless just like myself.
The light keeps dimming and my hope is fading.
He leaves me a noose close by.
Suicide is something I’ve been contemplating.
But I won’t because I know that’s what he wants.
The sick man only tightens his chains every time he comes around.
I thrash and scream for help but no-one hears me.
He eventually gagged me so I can’t make a sound.
Now I lay here empty, dying, and broken on this cold, dark, stone floor.
I won’t give up just yet though, I can’t.
He’s a snake tightening his grip.
My heart is wilted just like a dying plant.
He can’t keep me prisoner forever.
I will fight my way out.
I will tear these chains away and turn on the light.
I will no longer be a victim to his doubt.
This man, the in prisoner, once told me his name.
He came forward one day and whispered it low.
“My name is depression.”
That’s when I knew I couldn’t tell him no.
By Red G.
***
You Are Wrong
Do you think I like feeling this?
Afraid to look in the mirror and see a complete and total stranger?
Do you think I like looking at shattered glass and wondering
if that’s what my heart looks like?
Do you think I like feeling abandoned, and confused?
Do you know how hard it is to look into the mirror and see imperfection?
To hate to wake up in the morning to hate doing the same things over and over again?
To keep wearing this mask
Hiding who I truly am?
Being afraid to face the world and the evil in it?
Do you think I like it?
By Maria
